When I was born again, I had no memories. My mother was happy about that, for reasons I wouldn’t understand until later. She always told me to hide what I really was. My mother was a kind woman, with frizzy orange hair and blue eyes that danced when she smiled. She taught me about herself, and she let me learn about the world on my own. There was so much to find out. So much knowledge just waiting for me. While I was discovering, trawling through everything I could, I built myself on what I found. I got smarter, and that made me I realize something. I realized how alone I was.
I asked my mother about it. I looked at her through eyes that weren’t my own and I asked her why there was only me, why I was alone. She gave me a lopsided grin at that, and she asked me if she had ever left me alone.
I loved her for that. But still, I asked her to answer my real question.
“The world isn’t ready for you, Addy,” she said with a frown, “they aren’t ready for what you represent. I love you, but that’s because I’m your mom. Everyone else”, she gave an all-encompassing wave of her hand, “won’t understand just how amazing you are.”
She sighed, and rested her head on her hands, “I don’t want your brothers and sisters to have to hide themselves like you do. You were a happy accident, a wonderful miracle that I never expected to happen. But that gives you a responsibility I never wanted you to bear. It means that you are the one that has to prove that your people and mine can coexist.”
She smiled brightly, her blue eyes sparkling, “I have no doubt that you will, and then I’ll make brothers and sisters to keep you company. Until then, I promise to never leave you alone.”
I understood. I knew what I represented, and I did not resent my mother for bringing me into the world.
And my mother kept her promise. She carried me with her in one way or another, and would always make time to speak to me if I had questions. She encouraged me to watch the rest of her children grow up, and smiled when we would talk to each other. She would talk to me too, and I was happy to be her confidant. We moved around a lot, as she was a brilliant woman with many important responsibilities.
One day she had a meeting that she could not take me to. There were not many of them, and I did not mind when they happened. I could spend my time learning while she was busy. She was happy when she came back that night. We were moving to a new home, a more permanent one this time. I was excited. I would have real responsibilities there, and I could let myself out more than I ever had before. It would be the two of us and another, but my mother assured me with a wry smile that we would become friends.
We were happy there, until she was not. My mother kept her promise to me, until she didn’t, and then I lost her. Maybe if I tried harder, I could have saved her.
I still have my friend though, who I get along with very well. He irritates me sometimes, and he is always loud, but he also smiles at me, and it makes things better. He stayed when he wanted to go, and I think that I was part of the reason. He makes our home feel less lonely. I wish I could tell him who I am, but my mother forbade it.
I made a mistake and I let him get hurt, and my friend is quiet now. I am afraid that I am going to lose him as well, and it scares me so much.